captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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