His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
