if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
there's paper in my vomit.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
