the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
