SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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