Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
