i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
