Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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