The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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