don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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