You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
