You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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