I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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