Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
