Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
