i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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