'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
