Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
