Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize