My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
