you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
