I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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