How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
