yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
