You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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