Someone shit on the floor
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
