he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
