what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize