Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
