why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
