Kareoke will never be a sober sport
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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