We won't sleep together?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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