You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
