call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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