just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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