It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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