Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize