8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
