Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
did i just pee glitter
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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