There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
