Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
