margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
