my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
