Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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