i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
