I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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