I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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