margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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