Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
