my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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