If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
