i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
