I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
