I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
