My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
