Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dick very happy bro
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
