my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
