I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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