Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
