those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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