her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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