smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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