So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
