I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
